spirital life

I was brought up in a christian family. We know of one grandmother and a grandfather that they were godfearing people. Also my father knew the Saviour Jesus Christ. His public prayers have made much impression in the souls of our family. We went to the Old Reformed Congregation of Woudenberg. We were used to read sermons of the old divines.

However my father spoke personal with us about the spiritual life, I was unconverted until my 18th year. It was the death of a friend that awoke me. I felt that I had no peace with God. At the same time my courtship stopped. I was very unhappy with that, but I felt it is worse to be without God. After that time I started seeking the Lord and struggling for eternal life. The Lord shew me the spirituality of his holy law. I felt I was condemned. I tried to satisfy God with a better life, with tears, with humbleness. But I experienced the distance between God and my soul became bigger and bigger. As a helpless boy I entered the church on September 1st 1982. The old Rev. Smits preached the gospel from Deuterononium 34:5. I had to acknowledge my complete helplessness and ungodlyness. I had earned damnation. But the light of the Saviour entered my soul. I saw He is the Way, the Life and the Truth. His righteousness is complete. The anger of the Father has disappeared in Him. O what a fulness of joy and love!

Afterwards I struggled for some time with the assurance of faith. I had a wrong notion of the order of salvation. I thought that a person can have faith in Jesus Christ without being justified by God. After I saw by bible study and the study of the old divines that faith is justifying faith, I got much more clearness and assurance about my spiritual state.

The Lord is very good. He remains faithful even if we are unfaithful. I had to die of my works, and my conversion. I feel the truth of Zephaniah 3:12: "I will also leave in the midst of thee an afflicted and poor people, and they shall trust in the name of the Lord". Christ alone is the Life. Eternal Life is not in me, but outside me in the Saviour. That gave power in my soul. By Christ we have access to the Father. He has send His only begotten Son. So our salvation rests in the predestination of the Father, the work of the Son and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Soli Deo Gloria.